Solving Problems As a Group

There have been so many times in my life when I get frusturated at the behavior of others. I find it particularly frusturated when I’m trying to cooperatively reach a goal with someone else or with a group and they just won’t function cohesively. It is absolutely maddening! Unfortunately, I allow this frustration to get the better of me much too often and many times I lose all motivation to continue pursuing my initial goal. After reading Chapter 4 of How To Talk So Kids Can Learn, I was struck by an embarrassing realization: I treat the incompetent behavior of others as my problem to solve by myself. But the truth is, it’s not just my problem and it’s basically impossible for me to solve it alone. If I hope to reach a resolution, I need to seek and validate guidance from the other people involved.

            My first step in conflict resolution has typically been me expressing my feelings of disappointment towards others involved. Now, it’s clear to me that the first step ought to be understanding their internal circumstances. The book lists “Listen to students feelings and needs” as the first step in solving problems with students as a group. Then “summarize their point of view,” meaning represent them back to the group. This tactic makes it easy for everyone involved to see that the problem is a shared issue, a common challenge.

            The next step is then to express your own feelings, which they will hopefully be more open to hearing at this point having already expressed their own concerns. Then brainstorm as a group all possible solutions. At this point, it’s important not to criticize or dismiss any ideas. All views should be respected. All ideas should be written down. Finally, the group discusses the list and decides together how to solve the common problem.

            It is painfully obvious to me now that if you want to solve a problem you are experiencing with a group; solve the problem as a group. Making the problem your own makes it a personal problem and its likely to change the group’s perception of the issue into just that, your personal problem. They’re going to think it’s just you that is manifesting the issue and you’ll have to solve it on your own, just like you thought you wanted! No thanks, I’ll stick with this new technique.

            The scenarios included in the book consisted of typical classrooms, but this process could function in many other situations. For example, thousands of refugee children come into U.S. classrooms every year, and for obvious reasons many of them have problems adjusting to a new educational setting where they may or may not know the language being used. There have been many cases where, as an aftereffect of their traumatic experiences in the past, refugee children have been unable to keep up with the curriculum they are expected to learn. Solving this conflict has often proved difficult, and the problem is only exacerbated by teachers that get frustrated by the child’s poor progress. What’s needed is someone who listens and works with the child towards creating a solution.Such an obvious solution, yet many of us take so long to try it. I wonder why that could be?